I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
