I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
