Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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