i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
how does that bad decision feel?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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