Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
