And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
