do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
