Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The air was thick with penises
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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