butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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