Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize