I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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