We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize