I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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