I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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