My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
