it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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