This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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