I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
