BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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