Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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