speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize