So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
