I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
