the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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