Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
