I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
