too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
