I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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