From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
