HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
