I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ttyl tear gas
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
