Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am one with the molecules
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
