I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
