there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
