i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
