i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
