Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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