Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
