just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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