Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I touched a dick in church today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
