The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
