It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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