we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
