Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
