Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
