i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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