If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
