New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
