ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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