Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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