i think my tv is drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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