I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize