I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
