You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
