Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
