I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
