I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Even my vagina gasped.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
