I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
