party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
