so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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