I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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