youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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