Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
