i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
