My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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