good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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