You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
