You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize