So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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