so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
