this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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