im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
