Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
