On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
